As I’ve gotten further into the world of writing, I’ve noticed that some of my characters are highly motivated by revenge. Others just want to forget an injustice and move on. It got me wondering where the differences come from. Is it the way one is raised? Is it cultural? Can you teach yourself the other side?
“Revenge is a dish best served cold”
We’ve heard “revenge is a dish best served cold” across literary genres. We find it in the work of French author Eugene Sue in his book “Memoirs of Matilda”. And it is shown as a Klingon proverb in Star Trek, Wrath of Kahn.
What’s the History of Revenge?
Historically, Exodus 21:23 in the Bible tells us to “give life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot” to punish an offender. But as Martin Luther King Jr pointed out “the old law of ‘an eye for an eye’ leaves everybody blind.”
Revenge is a very human response to feeling slighted. We want to extract our “pound of flesh” to feel vindicated, to even the score. How dare they mess with the great and powerful Oz?!
The Trojan War, the Hatfield-McCoy feud, even the Count of Monte Cristo are all examples of a misunderstanding or disagreement that escalated into all-out war for revenge.
What is the Purpose of Revenge?
For those seeking power, it lets others know that you are not a person to be messed with. It gives you a way to keep order in a world where the rule of law is weak. We think revenge is going to give us closure, to put the issue to rest once and for all. But it usually provides just the opposite, keeping the wound open and fresh.
Authoritarianism and social dominance, along with their motivational values, usually pair with revenge. No one wants to “lose face.” Those with respect for authority and traditions have more favorable opinions about revenge and retribution.
Is Revenge different by culture?
Shame powers revenge in collectivist cultures like socialism or communism. Revenge can be contagious in those cultures. A collectivist culture is a social structure in which individuals prioritize group harmony, cooperation, and the well-being of the community, rather than focusing on individual success or achievement. This culture values relationships, social networks, and obligations to others, and tends to discourage self-promotion, individualism, and independent thinking. Examples of collectivist cultures include many Asian, African, and Latin American societies.
Anger often drives vengeful feelings in individualistic cultures like the United States, Australia, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Western European countries. An individualistic society is one that places a high value on personal autonomy, freedom, and independence. In such a society, people tend to focus on their own goals and interests rather than those of the group or community as a whole. Individualistic societies tend to prioritize individual rights, personal achievements, and individual happiness over collective responsibility and social harmony.
Prisons can exhibit elements of collectivist culture to some extent. They are typically highly structured and hierarchical environments with strict rules and norms that all inmates are expected to follow. However, there are also individualistic elements within prison culture. Inmates must sometimes compete with each other for resources or status, and may assert their own autonomy in certain situations. Ultimately, it is difficult to classify prison culture as entirely collectivist or individualistic, as both types of cultural patterns can be observed within these institutions.
What triggers the desire for revenge?
Different events seem to trigger revenge in different cultures. Americans take great offense when their rights are violated. In contrast, Koreans seek revenge when their sense of duty and obligation are challenged. Many feelings make humans want to seek revenge. Some of them might be:
-
Betrayal: When someone feels betrayed by another person, they may seek revenge for the pain and hurt they experienced.
-
Humiliation: If a person feels humiliated, they may seek revenge to restore their pride and honor.
-
Injustice: People may feel the need to seek revenge when they perceive that they have been wronged or treated unfairly.
-
Loss: When someone loses something they value, such as a loved one, a job, or a status, they may seek revenge as a way to cope with their feelings of loss and grief.
-
Fear: Fear of being hurt, losing something, or being overpowered by others can lead to a desire for revenge as a way of protecting oneself.
-
Jealousy: When someone is jealous of another’s success, possessions, or relationships, they may seek revenge to level the playing field or to prove themselves superior.
-
Anger: When anger is expressed in an unhealthy way, it can trigger the desire for revenge as a way of releasing the pent-up frustration and resentment.
Can motives be misunderstood?
Absolutely!
Sometimes a simple gesture in one culture can be perceived as offensive in another. This is why there can often be slights that we didn’t even know were committed.
For example, a thumbs up or an “okay” sign (a circle with the thumb and index finger) in many Western countries is an indication of approval or agreement. However, in some Middle Eastern and South American countries, these are seen as vulgar or insulting gestures. In some cultures, maintaining prolonged eye contact while talking is seen as a sign of attentiveness and respect. However, in other cultures, it can be seen as rude or confrontational. In the UK and some other countries, a V sign made with two fingers represents peace. In some other countries like Australia, it is a sign of victory. But in some Asian countries, it is seen as the opposite of peace and is an insulting gesture.
Why Do People Seek Revenge?
There are many reasons why someone might seek revenge, but some common ones include:
- Feeling wronged: feeling that you have been wronged or treated unfairly by another person, may cause a person to seek a way of restoring justice or balance to the situation.
- Anger: Strong feelings of anger can motivate someone to seek revenge against the person they perceive as having wronged them.
- Hurt: If someone has been hurt emotionally or physically by another person, they may seek a way of getting back at the person who caused them pain.
- Powerlessness: Sometimes, people may feel powerless or helpless in a situation, and seeking revenge can give them a sense of control or power over the other person.
- Fear: If someone is afraid of being hurt or victimized again by another person, they may seek a way of protecting themselves and preventing future harm.
It’s important to note that seeking revenge is not always healthy or productive and can often lead to more conflict and harm. It’s important to find healthy ways to cope with negative emotions and seek resolution or closure in a constructive manner.
What Do The Experts Say?
Kevin Carlsmith, PhD, a social psychologist at Colgate University in Hamilton, N.Y., presents one hypothesis on why this is true. “Punishing others in this context—what they call ‘altruistic punishment’—is a way to keep societies working smoothly,” Carlsmith says. “You’re willing to sacrifice your well-being in order to punish someone who misbehaved.”
In a post on the American Psychological Association, we learn that “by looking into what motivates revenge, and by increasing our knowledge about how revenge makes us feel, it might be possible to combine the best aspect of justice and revenge. For example, McKee [Ian McKee, PhD, of Adelaide University in Australia] studies ways that institutional punishment can merge with victim’s wishes to participate in that punishment. Victim impact statements, where victims are allowed to describe their ordeal and offer input on an offender’s sentencing, have become common in U.S., Australian and Finnish courts. That can partially satisfy a victim’s vengeful feelings while also putting the responsibility for punishment on the state, protecting the victim from the rumination trap Carlsmith describes.
Fascinating!
Drop me a comment about the methods you use to keep those vengeful desires in check.
Deb Kyle
Deb is a storyteller, but always with a Happily Ever After. She is a fan of books, music, penguins, and romance. When she's not composing at her computer, you'll probably find her with a box of tissues and a good romance book.
